Ask me what I'm most passionate about and I'll tell you that it's having the privilege to teach the most important life skill of all ... how to connect powerfully with other people.
One of the most surprising revelations for people I work with is just how simple and easy it is to totally change the course of someone's day, their week ... even their life.
I've long espoused the fact that we don't fall in love with people, we fall in love with the way they make us feel - Especially about ourselves.
In this article, I'll be sharing 5 of the easiest but most effective ways to make everyone you meet feel like a million bucks (and make them absolutely love you in the process).
Ready to make some magic? Let's do this ...
Method 1. Compliment Them ... Publicly!
I'm a huge proponent of the power of "clever complements". These compliments work like a charm because the compliment you're offering is exactly the one that the recipient has been waiting to hear!
So if it's evident that the woman you're speaking to put a lot of effort into accessorizing her outfit - you tell her just how creative and clever her ensemble is. If the man you're speaking with obviously paid a hefty sum to have his suit custom tailored to a perfect fit rather than buying it off the rack - you tell him just how well he wears that suit.
(Read my article on how to use this technique to master the art of making perfect first impressions here)
While it's true that using clever compliments is extremely powerful, when you give the compliment in front of others, its power is instantly magnified ten fold!
Instant Charisma Tip: Complimenting others publicly becomes absolutely magical when you're introducing people to each other. I always go beyond the standard "This is so-and-so" routine when making an introduction and do my best to present everyone in the best light possible.
Keep in mind that everyone we know has at least one quality that they truly pride themselves on.
Hint: If you don't know what it is, try asking this question - "What's the one quality you appreciate most about yourself?"
Then, put that knowledge to work!
Not only will you be making the person you're introducing feel like a million bucks, but the people you introduce them to will begin to unconsciously associate their very best qualities with you (a psychological phenomenon known as spontaneous trait transference). [1]
Talk about a win-win, huh? As John Maxwell professed, "When you give someone a public compliment, you give them wings like an eagle."
Method 2. Tell Them a Secret
Anyone who knows me will tell you that one of my personal favorite magic phrases is "Can I share a little secret?".
( Watch carefully as people's ears instantly perk up when you use it! )
Why? Because there's not a single person I know of that doesn't feel special when they're entrusted with privileged information.
The essential component of this charismatic technique is offering the other person interesting, entertaining or informative content that's relevant to them or something that they can use that adds value to their lives.
NOTE: This does NOT mean engaging in negative gossip or commiserating over some terrible disaster you just heard about on CNN (Constantly Negative News).
For example, one of my long term girlfriends actually won me over by reading my palm on our first date. Now consider what she was really doing by reading my palm. She wasn't just telling me a secret, she was telling me THE secret that's of most relevance to me (like whether I'm going to have a long and prosperous life, or whether I'd better start getting my bucket list out of the way).
By the time the reading was over, I actually found myself dreading the idea of taking her home at the end of the night. If you want to have the same effect on others, be the one who always adds the value of privileged knowledge or wisdom to the lives of others in a way that's all about them.
Maya Angelou really nailed it when she said, "People will forget what you said. People will forget what you did. But they'll never forget how you made them feel."
Method 3. Make Them Feel Needed
The need to feel needed is a universal one that's hard-wired into every human being on the planet. In fact, I'm sure you know of many a person who was willing to go to great lengths to feel that sense of significance.
The magic phrase "I can't do it without you" is another one of my personal favorites because it doesn't just hit the "I think you're special" button like gangbusters, it also does so in a way that always creates a win-win outcome.
You win because you gain someone else's willing co-operation, and they win because they get the opportunity to feel needed in a way that also leaves them feeling respected and appreciated.
Pretty amazing how much value those 6 little words can have, huh?
This magical phrase also works like a charm for women looking to create a spark with a certain man. The fact is, few things will bring a man to life faster than an opportunity to play Superman or Prince Charming for a damsel in distress.
( Be careful with this one, ladies. It's powerful enough that some of the women I've taught it to actually end up using it on me - and it still works! )
This doesn't mean you become that obnoxious person who's constantly asking for favors every time they show up. It does mean you're present enough with people to observe which superhero they secretly want to play.
After all, this is about them, not you.
Remember this: Making people feel needed means giving them an irrefutable sense of belonging; And as Brené Brown once said, "A deep sense of belonging is an irreducible need of all people."
Method 4. Learn EVERYONE'S Name
I was working a recent trade show with a business associate who was amazed at how I was able to remember the names of everyone we visited that day. "I wish I could do that!" she remarked. "I'm just terrible at remembering people's names."
"That's only because you don't realize just how much of an advantage it gives you", I replied.
The truth is, I remember names well because I make it a priority to do so.
Consider this: Until just a few years ago, I was terrible at remembering people's names. Worse yet, I would constantly repeat the disempowering affirmation "I'm no good with names.", over and over until I actually started to believe that it was true.
Can I share a little secret? You'll be amazed at just how great your memory becomes when you stop affirming how bad you are with people's names and start putting some real effort into remembering them.
Most psychologists and memory experts point out that one of the main reasons we forget someone’s name is simply because we’re not really focused on learning it in the first place. There’s typically too much else going on, and it’s all vying for our attention.
Author of the best selling book "Never Eat Alone", Keith Ferrazzi's first piece of advice for remembering names is to just decide to care. “If you make a conscious decision that you are going to remember names,” he explains, “because you care about the people you meet, you will immediately become much better at doing it!”
And I can promise you that there's no easier way to win people over in a few seconds than to simply remember their name ... and then call them by it. Remember the timeless words of Dale Carnegie, "A person's name is the sweetest sound to their ears."
Method 5. Let Them Impress You
One of the most famous stories about the art of winning people over is the story about the 1886 race for Prime Minister of England. The two candidates? William Gladstone and Benjamin Disraeli.
When journalists covering the election discovered that both candidates had taken the same woman to dinner, they posed the question, "Which one of the two men did you find to be more impressive?" She replied, "After dining with Mr. Gladstone, I felt like *he* was the most amazing person in all of England. But after dining with Mr. Disraeli, I felt like *I* was the most amazing person in all of England."
That story perfectly illustrates the powerful influence you'll have when you stop trying to impress other people and start letting them impress you instead.
I watched my friend Nile do this masterfully over the weekend. Before I'd even had a chance to catch my bearings, he'd gone out of his way to notice almost everything I'd expended effort on relative to my appearance.
My friend Anastasia Stathis is co-owner of Tress Beauty Lounge in Chicago and is another certified master at making her clients feel like a million bucks, not only because of her talent as a makeup artist, but also because of her innate understanding of what it truly means to be charismatic.
Mary Kay Ash lived by the slogan "Imagine that everyone you meet is wearing an invisible sign around their neck that says 'Make me feel important'." Allowing others to dazzle you with their innate skills, talents or charm achieves this objective like clockwork.
One Final Word About Winning People Over
And finally, make peace with the fact that there will always be a tiny handful of people that no amount of charisma or genuine caring will ever win over.
You can be the sweetest peach in the world and there will still be people who don't like peaches.
Do the right thing for the both of you and let them go. Ultimately, it's their loss and - believe me - you're much better off without these types of people in your life.
