Transforming clients from ordinary to extraordinary in their capacity for being magnetic has been my personal passion since 2011.
And one thing I can say with complete confidence is that one's level of personal magnetism isn't nearly as much about their level of natural charm as it is about their level of commitment to doing the work that's required in creating this skill set we call charisma.
And by work, I mean practice.
Because the magnetic people we admire for their seemingly effortless manner of social grace didn't get that way by accident. No. Never. Not.
The truth about magnetic people is that they've learned how to connect powerfully with others - either through life experience, by modeling other magnetic people, or in the case of our clients - by having practiced the skills over and over in real-time, and with real people - until the behaviors have literally become the person's natural way of being.
The Seven Habits Of Magnetic People - From Principle To Practice
In a study conducted at UCLA, subjects rated over 500 adjectives based on their perceived magnetic potential. The top-rated adjectives had nothing to do with being gregarious, intelligent, or attractive - all innate characteristics that make up someone's natural character. Instead, the top adjectives were sincerity, transparency, and capacity for understanding others.
Now let's unpack those adjectives and distill them down to the habits that all highly magnetic people have in common.
Now let's unpack those adjectives and distill them down to the habits that all highly magnetic people have in common.
Habit #1: Magnetic People Shine The Spotlight On Others.
Examine anyone who's truly a person of influence and affluence and here's what you'll discover: They don't give a damn about being the center of attention.
People have a natural aversion to those who seem desperate for attention. You don’t need to develop a big, extroverted personality to become powerfully magnetic. In fact, quite the opposite is true.
Attractive People Aren't Interesting. They're Interested.
Consider Dale Carnegie's timeless wisdom that "You can make more friends in two months by becoming genuinely interested in other people than you can in two years by trying to get other people interested in you."
When you become genuinely interested in others and are present enough to notice what's interesting about them, it's amazing just how attractive you suddenly become.
Instant Charisma Tip: Need more motivation than just becoming a charismatic leader to become genuinely interested in others? The emerging field of Positive Psychology has continually shown that the more we concentrate on ourselves, the more depressed and anxious we feel. Conversely, it's almost impossible to feel lousy when we focus outward - and specifically on the value we can add to the lives of others. As Ghandi said, "The best way to find yourself is to lose yourself in (the service of) others."
(Learn more about how to create a powerful presence here).
Habit #2. Magnetic People Ask The Right Questions.
The biggest mistake people make when it comes to their way of being with others is that they’re so focused on what they’re going to say next that they completely fail to hear what’s being said. What's worse is that what they're usually preparing to say next is something about themselves!
And the lousy advice you'll read from other communication "experts" sounds like this - "Just ask lots of questions to show your interest!" But if that's the only trick in your bag, you're likely to run the risk of sounding like a private investigator, or worse - asking questions that have no relevance to what matters to the other person.
Arouse An Eager Want By Asking The Right Questions.
One timeless Carnegie Principle sounds like this: "Arouse in the other an eager want". Pretty much the opposite of what most people do, since what they're mostly interested in is talking about what they want.
But arousing in others an eager want means that it's far more important for us to ask the right questions - like the kind of questions the other person actually wants to answer.
You’ll be surprised how much respect and appreciation you'll gain just by asking the right questions.
Habit #3. Magnetic People Are Genuine People.
As I've mentioned in my other articles on maximizing magnetic potential, being genuine is essential to being charismatic.
No one likes a fake. People gravitate toward those who are authentic because they realize they can trust them. It is difficult to like someone when you don’t know who they really are and how they really feel.
Being something you're not and doing things you'd rather not just to make others happy accomplishes nothing but creating resentment in you (usually manifesting in passive-aggressive behavior) and suspicion about your real motives in others.
No one likes a fake. So do everyone a favor and ditch the mask.
Like Oscar Wilde said, "Be yourself. Everyone else is taken."
Habit #4. Magnetic People Make Great Listeners.
If you want to maximize your magnetic potential, you must be open-minded. Nothing will murder your magnetic potential faster than coming off as the kind of critical person who's always judging others. Moreover, any power you may have had to influence other people evaporates the moment they sense your critical nature.
(And trust me, they always sense it.)
The most powerful way to eliminate the habit of being critical of others is to develop the practice of viewing the world through the eyes of others. This doesn’t mean you believe what they believe or even that you condone their behavior, it simply means you give up on passing judgment long enough to truly understand that person.
Instant Charisma Tip: If you've fallen into the habit of being a critical person, it's a sure sign that the person you've been hardest on is yourself. Learning and practicing the art of self-compassion is the essential gateway to giving up the confidence-crushing compulsion to brutalize yourself.
Practice being gentle with yourself first, and I promise - you'll see miracles unfold in your ability to accept others without judgement.
(Learn My Three-Step Process For Eliminating The Habit Of Being Critical Here.)
Habit #5. Magnetic People Make Powerful First Impressions.
In my article on first impressions, I revealed the fact that most people will decide whether or not they like you within the first seconds of meeting you. They then spend the rest of the time mentally rationalizing that initial emotional reaction.
This may sound terrifying to someone who's been unaware of the enormous power of first impressions, but by knowing this you can take advantage of it to make huge gains in your magnetic potential from here on out.
Since I've already covered the science of making the perfect first impression in a previous article, I'll refrain from going into detail again. Read my article on how to make the perfect first impression here, (And read Malcolm Gladwell's best-seller "Blink" if you're as fascinated by the power of first impressions as I am).
Habit #6. Magnetic People Know The Power of a Person's Name.
Your name is an essential part of your identity, and admit it - it feels terrific when people use it. Magnetic masters make a point of learning - and using - other people's names every time they see them.
And not for nothing. In his legendary book 'How to Win Friends and Influence People', Dale Carnegie famously noted that a person's name is the sweetest sound to their ears.
Decades later, behavioral research has proven that people feel validated when the person they’re speaking with refers to them by name - both in greeting and during conversation.
If you’re great with faces but have trouble with names, have some fun with it and make remembering people’s names a brain exercise. When you meet someone, don’t be afraid to ask their name a second time or ask them how to spell it if you forget it right after you hear it.
Habit #7. Magnetic People Recognize That Vulnerability Is Strength.
In recent years, researcher Brené Brown has brought the power of vulnerability into sharp focus. But countless charismatic masters have long known that displaying vulnerability is actually a means of demonstrating ultimate strength.
I'll go into great detail on the right way (and wrong way) to use vulnerability as a powerful way to connect with anyone in my upcoming articles, but for the time being be wary to avoid sharing personal problems and intimate confessions too quickly as this might get you labeled as a whiner or complainer. And if you've read my other articles on being a person of influence, you know that few things will kill your magnetic potential faster than sounding like a victim.
Remember - magnetic people always let others take the lead in determining when it’s the right time to open up and share on a deeper level. Letting them decide when they feel safe enough will go a long way in showing up like someone they can trust.
Remember - magnetic people always let others take the lead in determining when it’s the right time to open up and share on a deeper level. Letting them decide when they feel safe enough will go a long way in showing up like someone they can trust.
The Seven Habits Of Magnetic People - Putting It All Together
It's no secret that magnetic people are invaluable, unforgettable and totally unique. They network with ease, promote harmony in the workplace, bring out the best in everyone around them, and generally seem to get the most out of life.
My simple promise is this: If you'll practice these 7 habits until they define your automatic way of being in the world, your magnetic potential will soar to levels you'd never previously imagined!
