One of the more enjoyable aspects of working in the bar/nightclub industry was all the nightly comedic entertainment you were sure to be exposed to.
I kid you not, along with perks like free limo rides, endless bar tabs and a steady stream of attractive and available women, came some unparalleled entertainment in the form of totally clueless guys who seemed to count being constantly rejected as one of their favorite hobbies.
I'd like to return the favor to those 'gentlemen' who so graciously sacrificed themselves (and their self-esteem) by offering this short accounting of their top 5 follies with women. It is only through their self sacrifice that the rest of us might learn what not to do when trying to create attraction with women.
Without further ado, here are the top 5 ways guys ruin attraction with women:
1. Being too aggressive: I used to love watching these guys get blown out. They're the type that go from zero to 100 the moment they get an IOI (indicator of interest). If you're one of these guys, here's a clue - women are attracted to a man who is assertive. Aggression on the other hand repels women.
Aggressive behavior - coming on way too strong - smacks of anger issues and a guy who is not in control of his life.
Being assertive is knowing what you want, and then relentlessly going after at. Being aggressive is trying way too hard to get it, and looking desperate in the process.
It would behoove you to understand the difference.
2. Being too available: As a sales professional, I learned early on that scarcity is one of the strongest triggers when it comes to getting someone to bypass their usual "analysis paralysis" and take action.
It's rather difficult to create a sense of urgency with a woman when you're far too accessible to her ... and it's amazing how disinterested women can be when they see you as being a readily available commodity.
It's also pretty amazing how decisive they suddenly become when they know being "wishy-washy" with you means another woman is likely to come along and snatch you up at moment's notice.
So stop posting hourly Facebook updates and texting or calling her every 3 hours. This is usually a great indicator that you've got nothing else going on, and a clear message that she should continue shopping for a high-value man that actually has options.
3. Bringing up past relationships: It's unreal how many guys blow it almost immediately with this one. Your past relationships are over for a reason. Hearing about how badly your ex traumatized you is not going to win you any points.
Neither will being negative or pessimistic about your past, so check your baggage at the door and try focusing on something that is actually important to her, like creating a compelling vision of the future she'll have with you.
Believe it or not, she'll appreciate you being one of the few guys who are actually capable of being fully present with her in the moment.
4. Showering her with gifts: This is something I hear guys trying to justify all the time. Even the girls you think are clueless, naive or flat-out dumb are intuitive enough to see this type of behavior for what it is - a shameless bribe that screams "I'm unworthy, but here - take these gifts as compensation for my shortcomings."
Pull yourself together and save the supplication for your mommy. She will invariably sense your lame motives (and your low self-esteem), lose any interest and attraction she might have previously had, and you'll either be consigned to the back-burner or get locked up in the "friend zone" (where guys like this belong).
Gifts will be much more appropriate once they're being given without a hidden agenda.
5. Being totally clueless about women: The years I spent working in the bar scene taught me one thing ... most guys are totally clueless when it comes to women, and more specifically, what women care about. It was usually the DJ (no matter how ugly he happened to be) that got the most women.
Why? Because he was constantly stirring up strong emotions in women with the music he played.
Why? Because he was constantly stirring up strong emotions in women with the music he played.
Ever been in a club and heard a horde of women let out a collective scream of ecstasy because a certain song came on?
Conversely, have you ever heard a horde of guys do the same thing? (If so, you were probably at a gay club).
Women are emotional creatures - the men who realize this are the ones who consistently create emotional reactions in women and then build massive attraction with them. The ones who don't will spend two hours primping in front of the mirror and change their outfit 15 or 20 times before going out. These clueless chumps are the ones you always hear asking "what does she see in that loser?"
She doesn't see anything. She feels his value ... ( just like she feels your lack thereof ).
As the old saying goes, 'Keep doing what you've been doing, keep getting what you've been getting.'
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